Note: this post was written in 2013. I’m glad to say that my boys have outgrown (most of) this behavior in public 🙂Â
Hey all, I’m in the midst of a ton of pattern stuff that I can’t wait to share with you next week. So there’s not a project based post today, but instead I want to share a couple sewing horror stories with you, because now they’re funny. And I’m hoping you’ll share some with me as well, because I could use the laughter to de-stress!
Before those two trouble plotters above came along, the worst thing I had ever done sewing was put a needle through my finger. Zipper foot, trying to shove fabric through (curtains, I think) and I sewed right through my nail. Then I sat there stupidly staring at it while I wondered what to do next.
Have I ever mentioned I’m not the best in an emergency? Side story: once, when we were first married, I set fire to dinner and the kitchen. And then stood there staring and pointing, saying, “Fire. Fire.” And then gave the wrong address to 911. Luckily Hubby is cool-headed in an emergency, and he put the fire out, got the cat out of the smoke-filled apartment, and singed all the hair off his arms.
So, back to the sewing needle. Hubby to the rescue again. He unscrewed the needle so I could remove my hand from the machine, then cut the end of the needle off with wire cutters and pulled the rest out so we didn’t have to go to the ER.
Unfortunately, even Super Hubby couldn’t save me from the next two trouble-plotted incidents. Which are really more of fabric store horror stories than sewing stories, but here we go…
A major chain fabric store was on the way home from my last teaching job. So one day I pop in after school with Tater and Bean to pick up who knows what. I can’t remember because of the horror that ensued. I do remember that this was the store that at the time had grumpy employees, and that I was in the upholstery aisle. And out of the blue, with no warning, Bean starts projectile vomiting everywhere. I was two steps away from the cart looking at fabric, so it didn’t get on me, but I heard the splat and resorted to my typical emergency mode: I froze and stared at him while he continued to projectile vomit like the Poltergeist kid.
When I finally recovered my senses, he had stopped, and I wheeled him and the vomit cart to the restroom, shouting something at the cutting table ladies on my way. Luckily, there were paper towels and those anti-bacterial cart wipes, so I stripped the kid to his diaper and commenced wiping him and the cart.
The grumpy lady at the front looked at me strangely wheeling my almost naked baby to the front of the store, where I stopped and asked for a plastic bag to put his vomit clothes in. She handed it to me with a sniff of her nose and two finger tips. Thank goodness this was before Austin passed the plastic bag ban we have now, or I don’t know what I’d have done. Thrown his clothes away? It’s not like I had a diaper bag or someplace in the car to put them; this was supposed to be a short trip on the way home. And for all I knew, the kid wasn’t even sick. He was fine, and then boom! Vomit city.
Are you enjoying the horror? Well, then I have one more for you. It takes place at a different (usually friendlier) location of the same chain store. I had a ton of fabric to buy, the cutting line was long, and we were finally, finally in line for the register. The boys were starting to get on each other’s nerves and mine.
A long line starts forming behind me (I was second in line) and I look up to realize there is only one cashier. Minutes tick by. It’s my turn, and there are now no less than 10 people behind me. I have my coupons out, ready to go, and the end is in sight. We roll up to the register, she rings my stuff, I’m about to swipe my card and all the sudden, with no warning, Tater hauls back and cold-cock punches Bean in the face.
Yes, that was me. Holding up the now 12 person line while my 2 year old cried because his 4 year old brother had inexplicably PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE. Let me just say, Tater is lucky that I freeze in an emergency, because another mom might have punched him in the face after that stunt. I kid. Of course you shouldn’t punch a kid in the face. Ever. But as a mom I also know that sometimes the impulse to do exactly that is pretty strong. Especially when said 4 year old has just punched his baby brother dead in the face for no reason. And Bean is not usually a passive kid – he’ll give as good as he gets, and the only thing that prevented this from turning into mini Fight Club at the fabric store is that he was as shocked as I was.
So I put Tater in the cart, picked up Bean, swiped my card and keyed in my pin three times because I was so flustered, and got the heck out of there, while trying not to notice the stares and, yes, laughter (there were a couple of dads in line) of the customers behind me.
Now please, I hope you’ve had some laughter at my expense, but do me a favor and share your sewing or fabric shopping horror story. I’d like to know I’m not the only mom in the world that has this kind of stuff happen.
Max
Oh my god hahaha, Those are amazing. I can’t think of any off the top of my head but I’m sure none can beat projectile vomiting! I did sew through my finger when I was 15. I thought it was pretty awesome at the time and I just pulled the needle out, kept sewing XD
Toni
Wow Melissa just wow! I’m pretty laid back in emergency situations, but I have no idea what I would have done for either of those! I usually make every effort not to have both kids along when I go to the fabric stores, but the ladies all know me by name so if something like that happened, it would be beyond embarrassing!
Fortunately, I think the worst thing I’ve managed so far is to sew my shirt to the project I was working on, or to cut an accidental hole with my serger. *knock on wood*
Jess
OMG!! I am so glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee while I was reading that!! My horror story was I had stopped at our local chain for a few fabrics to finish a project after I picked up my daughter from preschool, well I got the oldest lady at the cutting counter on my turn. Well, usually she is on top of her game but that day she had trouble with amounts and it took an extra 15 minutes to cut my 6 (all under 1 yard) fabrics and I was late to pick up my kid. When I finally got there she was helping her teacher get her lunch ready before the next class got there and she kept repeating over and over “but you forgot me!” Broke my heart for quite a while!
Claire Cooper
those are classic> I don’t have any sewing horror stories, but I do have a couple of child related ones, both involving number two Son. The first what when he has about 2 and potty training, we’d gone to the supermarket to do the weekly shop, got to the checkout and just started to load the shopping onto the conveyer belt, when he wee’d all over the rest of the good in the trolly! I have never felt so embarrassed. the store were great and got an assistant to replace all the damaged stock.
Number two issues was when we went to the local contemporary art gallery. he was about 4 and just like your little one, threw up all over the place. right in the middle of the exhibition, again, we had no idea that he was sick. I didn’t go back to the gallery for 2 years.
Elisa
Oh my! It’s so great to look back and laugh, isn’t it? 🙂 Every time I take kids with me to the fabric store I vow never to do it again…but then then I need fabric again and forget all the reasons I decided last time not to take them. I pay for it every time. I think fabric stores need to have a big play area roped off for kids with a ‘lifeguard’ on duty so we can shop.
Sandra CUNNINGHAM
Oddly enough stores USED to have such “areas” in stores. One in downtown Cleveland had a slow moving merry-go-round in the store where kids could go play while mom shopped. Another had a slide that went down to the bargain basement next to the staircase, so you can imagine the kids entertaining themselves. Of course, that was back in the late 50s and now you would have liability, child abduction, and other horrors to make those things impossible, but oh what fun to be a kid who had to accompany mom shopping!
Tasha
I actually just mentioned in of my sewing horror stories in a post on my blog today! Pretty much, I melted a hole in a prom dress. Omg!
Sandra CUNNINGHAM
I was shortening two wedding dresses for a family friend/bride and because they were so long and she had a hard time choosing which one. Both were a thin knit with and overlay of lace/tulle. One was unwieldy under the serger and unsupported well enough and it slid to the side and sliced a nice long slit in the front of the hem! OMG! NOOOOOO! So to fix it I set up my embroidery, made an intricate lace heart in white with the date on tulle and hand-stitched it to the area. The overlay actually hid it very well and only she knew that it was there. I think she chose that dress to wear.
Nicole
Hilarious! Gave me a good laugh on my morning break. This is not sewing related but the first time I went grocery shopping with my newborn son, I had him in a (cradle shaped) sling on my front at the check out, and as I was paying, suddenly a fountain of pee came shooting up from the sling and then down into a huge puddle on the ground, while I stood there not knowing what to do other than to wait until he was done. (Diaper malfunction!)
ksgentry
Like Tasha I have also burned a hole in a prom dress I was just finishing up. I had to go back to the fabric store and buy a 2 yard piece of satin just to cut out one side panel that was 12″ wide. But my most embarrassing moment came when I had my daughter, age 5 at the time, in the local fabric store. I had been making her church clothes all of her life and we were there looking at fabric for the next outfit. She didn’t seem as interested as she usually did, but she finally decided on a fabric. We were at the cutting table waiting our turn, with at least three people in front of us and several behind us when my daughter burst into tears, chest heaving, her whole body shaking. Trying to console her I ask her what was wrong and she said “Please Mommy, just this one time can I please have a store bought dress. I quietly put the fabric down and left Cloth World, heading towards JC Penny’s where she got her store bought dress. I didn’t sew for many years after that.
brenda
I have to be so very thankful for lack of projectile vomiting in fabric stores. Having been in one of those dreadful fabric store cutting lines multiple times, the funniest one was finally reaching the cutting table and while picking up the huge stack to go to the check out I found myself juggling that, holding one childs hands and trying to pick up another one that was snoozing on top of the stacks of fabric bolts. another customer forfeited her place in line to carry him to a cart for me Yes he slept thru the entire incident.
Second cutting line incident was when a friend of my daughter came along to have some help with purchasing fabric for a special occasion dress. To amuse themselves they carried on the most ridiculous conversation to listen to the gasps from the others in the line. I tried to ignore them hoping no one would know they were with me. this friend did this often so I do not know why I took on that sewing project for her. live and learn finally kicked in and that was the last time for public appearances with her.it was a refreshing blog today and I am looking fwd to coming back to to read some more stories.
Karen
Love all these stories cracking up here! I think my only child related story is when my two year old had a mouth full of cheddar bunnies and the cutting lady asked how he was doing. Thinking he was funny he spit them all over…landing on her and the fabric. I was so embarrassed and bought more than I needed. As for sewing I think one time i was tired and trying to sew and have a beer at the same time…my quilt squares looked horrible. I even managed to sew some backwards…yes I am talking about seams on top, but right side of fabric. In the same square I had the wrong side of the fabric on top. I don’t even know how I managed to get so far on it without noticing. I ended up finishing my beer, calling it a night and went to bed!
Tori
Oh my gosh! The fabric gods must not like that you are going to that particular chain store. HAHA! So, I took an apparel construction class in college, and we used industrial sewing machines, which are super fast and sometimes hard to control. I was sewing along, making a tote bag, and then boom, I sewed over my finger. It took a minute to sink in what had happened, and I am pretty sure I yelled an explicative. I went to the bathroom with the TA to get it cleaned up, and by this time it had hit me. Not only did I almost pass out in the bathroom, I also had to get a tetanus shot. I didn’t think any of the needle had broken off in my finger. A week after it happened, my finger wasn’t heeling and it was kinda pointy where the needle went through….yea, the tip of the needle was still in my finger. OOPS!
mahlica
It seems like I’ve done every kind of sewing goof. Sleeves on backwards, pieces inside out, quilt corners wonky, etc. The worst was when my cat hacked a hairball on a custom skirt I was making for an Etsy customer. I couldn’t bear the thought of washing and sending it. I remade the skirt and gave the hairball skirt to a friend that didn’t care.
The Other Dawn
Had to be JoAnn’s. They are the WORST.
Theresa
Luckily I haven’t sewn over my finger yet. (I know my time will come.)
However my mom did. While making a blanket for my then boyfriend. I’ll never forget that phone call. She had sewn right through her finger and nail. The needle was stuck. Dad was gone for the week. After much convincing she had decoded to go to the hospital. On her way out, she slammed her finger, needle and all in the door. After the door incident she had to drive a stick shift 20 miles to the hospital. It took three doctors to remove that needle.
The most horrific part of the story is that we broke up less than two weeks after she gave him the blanket. My mom took the blanket while helping me move.
Sandra CUNNINGHAM
Your story wins the internet today! LOL
Pam Jones
I think my very worst sewing moment was when I made my first “paid for special order” dresses. They were a velveteen maternity dress and little girls dress to match. When I took the dresses to them, they fit perfectly and the lady was very happy with them. They wore the dresses to a family Christmas party and the day after the party the ladies Aunt called me and said;” I think I’m the only one who noticed, but did you know that the skirt on ( the moms) dress was upside down?” I guess I laid it out wrong and the pile was going the wrong way!
Michelle
I don’t have any horror stories, but about 11 years ago, I was with my now 13 year old and we were in Joanns.
She was in the cart and we were about to check out when there was a Huge earthquake!
We had just moved here (west coast) from the East coast and I had never experienced one before.
I totally froze (that is my reaction in an emergency, too). But my then 2 year old was laughing and shouting “Again! Again!”.
Mie @ Sewing Like Mad
Okay Melisa I have one for you that I am still embarrassed to think about here like 6 years later. I was making a girl’s favorite dress in a cream (wedding) version. Her original dress was cut on the bias to of course I made the muslin same way. She came for the fitting and for some reason along the way we decided to NOT cut the dress on bias. So next fitting was the dress almost done and cut in the REAL fabric…..but brain dead me here had not changed the size of the pattern so since the elasticity from cutting something on the bias was gone of course the dress was too small – arghhhh! I was SO embarrassed making a mistake like that – I should really know better! I had to buy more fabric (which of course was super expensive – everything is in Denmark 😉 and my payment for that dress was a lot lower than I expected…..fair enough by the way! Ugh….that reminded me of my motto: Never make wedding dresses!!! 😉
marissa | Rae Gun Ramblings
oh my gosh I’m totally cracking up. I’ve luckily never sewn my finger. it sounds so so awful. blah. My biggest sewing horror story was the one and only time I made slacks for myself. After all was said and done I decided I needed to serge a section just a bit and totally had my leg piece folded and cut a nice big hole in the knee not as violent as your stories but I was so mad at mystel. i still haven’t sewn another pair of real (non-pj) pants for myself.
Zaman
You not only help me be a better seamstress but also prepare me for the realities of motherhood and life.
Thanks Smelly! 🙂
Zaman
Thanks Melly*
sorry damned autocorrect
June
Sorry, hooting in laughter over the autocorrect!
I had a bad run-in with an iron back when I was 11. I had the heated side facing me for some reason, and I thought I’d just reach around it to grab the handle (too lazy to walk around the board, I guess) when sizzle, sizzle, charred an inch-long strip of my inner forearm, just below the wrist. The skin turned greyish-black in a nanosecond. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents (and had too much pride to cry in front of them), so I just had this crusty piece of charred arm and wore long sleeves for a few weeks in the middle of summer. I’m not even sure that I knew (at that age) to put ice on it, so it hurt like the dickens for a long time afterward.
barbara mack
I really don’t have any stories to share but just wanted to say that, Melly, you and your readers have made my lyft ride to the doctor’s office a very pleasant one!! Never thought I’d enjoy vomiting stories so much!!!!
Sheryl
Oh, my goodness! I raised 2 boys, 13 months apart in age. They have an older sister by 5 years. I will admit they never behaved like that in public and for the most part were best friends. But a time or 2.at home they got into it. I am an instant reactive person, but don’t know what I would have done in your situation. All in all, we moms just try our best and hope it works out!
Marjolijn
I’ve done the needle-in-nail-thing. Only that I had poor concentration for what I was doing and wanted to get my garment finished as we were supposed to go on holiday the following day. I had the misfortune that the needle broke when I passed my hand through underneath it. My father got the plyers out and had 2 attempts in pulling it out, without success as each time the needle broke a bit shorter. In Emergency Department the had a last go and finally broke the needle to just above the nail. There was no other option then to cut the nail away( basically pulling it off), as the needle had firmly lodged itself into the bone. I was pleased to get a local anaesthetic but less pleased that it didn’t cover all the pain. Very unpleasant to say the least. Needless to say I had a thickly bandaged middle finger in my holiday, which had its own funny effects…
Sheryl Lawrence
These are the most hilarious sewing and child raising stories I have ever heard. The only thing that comes close is when I locked my 8,month old son in the car after putting the groceries in the car. My purse was locked in the car and it was about 95 degrees outside! I had to get a boy collecting carts in the parking lot to go inside and call the police to come unlock the car. (before cell phones) They came quick but my baby was crying his head off in the hot car!