Hey y’all – today is a first for this blog – I’m letting the Coach take over and write the post today. I figured Sewing for Men month is the right moment to let him speak his piece and give you his Guys Fabric Shopping Survival Guide. I mean, we have been married almost 20 years, so he must be doing something right, right?
After being asked to “guest write” a post about guys having to go to the fabric store I knew my wife had finally lost it. Why would the girl with the English degree ask the PE grad to write anything?
So of course I said I’d help. I was told to come up with 4 to 7 tips. This just keeps getting better. My next “guest post” will be how to get out of “guest posting.” (Step 1 – Act like you didn’t hear her.) Sadly I tried that move for this one and a week later she’s still hounding me.
And then she made me add a caveat – if you’re a dude that likes to sew and likes fabric shopping, more power to you bro. She tells me some of y’all read her blog, and I truly think that’s awesome. That’s just not me. But if it’s you, then you don’t need this guide. This is for the boyfriends/husbands/significant others that get dragged unwillingly to the fabric store.
Let’s just say there’s a reason Handmade Ryan Gosling is a complete work of fiction.
So without further ado,
The Guys Fabric Shopping Survival Guide.
Tip 1 – Don’t go. Few places are more soul crushingly boring for me than the fabric store. If you’re lucky, you’ll only waste about 90 minutes of your life on this trip but if she’s got a big project in mind, goodbye afternoon. The best way to get out of this trip is to find a substitute. What is her mother/sister/sister-in-law/friend/casual acquaintance/ANYONE ELSE up to right now? Send one of the kids with her. That’s why you had them in the first place, right? To do the stuff you no longer want to do. That reminds me, Tater needs to go mow the yard. Come up with whatever excuse you can because this is going to be one of the most miserable experiences of your life. And you might end up like this guy.
Ok, that didn’t work. (Did you try acting like you didn’t hear her?) Tip 2 – Don’t help, it will only make the trip last longer. This is a rookie mistake but we’ve all made it. She says she needs some red fabric for (insert weird pattern vocabulary word here. Bodice? Just say the top of the shirt) so you grab the first red you see, tell her it’s the prettiest one they have and start heading for the check-out. If it were only that easy. She said red, that one is more crimson. She needs rayon, you’ve picked interlock (more vocab – is it sad that I know these are fabric terms? Just don’t ask me to point out which is which in the actual fabric store). The list goes on and on. My go to move in this situation is walk over to the cutting table and get a number. This can be a double positive. It gets me out of trying to figure out the difference between teal and aqua and it puts her on the clock. “Honey! There’s only two more people before it’s your turn. Pick one.” Of course, it could also backfire on you if she knows you’re number 83 and they just called 47.
For some reason she still wants your help. Tip 3 – Get a specific list of items that you can get. It could speed things up if you take care of buttons, needles, threads, etc. But I must stress specific. This place has over 1,200 miles of elastic inside it but if I’m told ¾ inch, braided, white elastic, we just got that much closer to the door.
You couldn’t figure out the difference between embroidery thread and cotton quilting thread if your life depended on it. Tip 4 – Distract the kids so she can get the stuff faster. Make up some kind of scavenger hunt. “Who can find the Styrofoam?” Just make sure the game goes past the wife every so often so she can see the enjoyment on your face. That probably won’t help but her embarrassment at the amount of noise her kids are making may speed her up. Best case scenario, the manager asks you to leave.
Wouldn’t it be easier if the fabric store had a TV lounge up front?
You couldn’t figure out the thread reference above and you don’t have kids. Tip 5 – Start gambling. If you think about it, fabric stores and casinos are very similar. Neither have clocks on the walls because they don’t want you thinking about how long you’ve been there. So I say make some new friends with all the other guys who are waiting for their wives at the cutting table and start laying bets on everything. Whose wife gets back first? Who’s buying the most yards of fabric? The action doesn’t stop at the cutting table. Head for the registers and start betting on who spends the most. You hit a lucky streak and this trip could pay for itself.
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Linda Steaples
OMGOSH this sounds exactly like my husband!!!! Thanks for the morning laughs !!!!!! P.S. MY husband always loses his bets & it cost him more LOL !!!! MINE IS A CHEMICAL ENGINEER !!!!!!!!!!
leia
Hahahahaha.
This is gold. And exactly what I would have expected to read.
I omce visited a small craft store that had a bench seat in the center with a painted sign that said “devoted partners chair”. There were even a couple of fishing/car mags lol.
Thankyou for the laught
Beverly
Hahaha! The only fabric store anywhere near me is in a shopping center with several other stores, including a Best Buy. Granted, some of the stores are waaay across the parking lot, but I try to get my dh to just drop me at the fabric store and go to the other stores and wait. He almost never does. I think he is afraid of how much I’ll spend without him. 😛
Alice
The only place worse than the fabric store for my guy is Costco! Great post!
Audrey
I have NEVER laughed so hard! I wonder what Mr. Skirt Fixation would think of this post?!?!?
Emily
Well done, sir! Well-written and funny to boot. I’m looking forward to more guest posts. 😉
Sabra at Sew a Straight Line
I avoid fabric shopping with my husband at all costs. It’s easier to take four kids than one husband. Easier on our marriage, too 🙂
Great post!
Anne
Offer to do a household chore in place of going to the fabric store. Works for my husband every time. 🙂 I’ve got a Craft Gossip post scheduled for this afternoon that links to your post: http://sewing.craftgossip.com/?p=82697 –Anne
Melanie
I love fabric shopping with my husband! He is totally clueless and comes up with the most hideous combinations, but the laughs are all worth the trouble. With him AND my kids… he’s the one playing tag and getting kicked out.
Chris Sew it Organic
Great post. You should write more often, LOL.
Shari
My husband, doesn’t sew, craft; unfortunately always wants to tag along. I so miss those deployments days.
Marika
HILARIOUS. Luckily for my boyfriend, I don’t drag him there or he waits in the car. lol
Diane Cullum
Haha, that was funny! My husband waits in the car with a book or puts the seat back and takes a nap.
Cindi
Yup..that is mine too! He says he only distracts me! Or he goes over to Home Depot and will let me know when he is going back to the car! Rofl..
Mary Noack
I gotta hand it to you Melissa, you did a good job of training this guy. I caught myself laughing out loud and can not wait to have Bryan read this when he gets home. Good job, Coach.
Siberian Wind
I needed this so much! This would be my kids’ versions of going fabric shopping. My hubby is a photographer and knows how to do (albeit, not advanced) sewing. I give him a swatch card I picked up at the hardware store on one of “his” trips and tell him I need fabric from “this section” or “this section” that he thinks looks good with it. While he’s picking those out (majority of the trip), I sneak for the fabrics I need to add to the trip (for that other project that isn’t so “life-and-death-due-right-now”. Once he picks the five choices he likes best, I choose from those. He feels helpful, and he got me out of the store on his time frame.
(and yes, I distract him with craft glues, or other crafty-non-fabric supplies he can consider for his project list while I pick the exact notions I want. NEVER send mine to get buttons! I’ll NEVER get out of that argument! LOL)
Mary
Just read this to my hubby. We are both laughing. He said knowing all that sewing vocabulary could pay off like it did for him when we happened upon a game on a cruise where they ask the guys things gals know and vice versa. He knew all the sewing terms, and all the men wanted him on their team.
Susan K
I’ve got three grown sons. In a text conversation between myself and the three the other days, I asked “Which one of you wants to go to the fabric store with me?” Two chimed in right away and designated their brother. They aren’t available to go with me anymore (jobs and distance get in the way) but it’s a family joke about all the times they had to go with me and a 15 minute stop turned into at least an hour. Now my husband offers to stop at fabric stores with me and will look up quilt shops in our vacation destinations. He even scoped out quilt shops in Alaska when we went on a cruise, in Toronto when we were visiting there, and in the Austin area when we were there for AHL hockey playoffs. So after 30 years of marriage, I think I’ve finally got him trained. 😉
Sophie T
This was very funny and oh so true! I dared taking DH to a fabric store only once, and it was because HE needed some fabric to help out a cousin of his. I think he would never forgive me if I took him there “just because”.
Suzanne
I sure hope this was meant to be funny, because if my husband was actually that disrespectful and unsupportive I’d kick him to the curb. I’ve never taken my husband to a fabric store because I don’t think he’d enjoy it, but if the occasion ever arose I’d have him drop me off so he could get to the nearest open wifi station, and then I’d call when I’m done.
Olivia
That was hilarious! My husband sits in the car and tries to garner sympathy from his FB friends.
Mary in FL
I used to live in Virginia and hubby would take me to G Street Fabrics every couple years. They had couches and a TV in the corner, and it was filled with guys who wait.
Elizabeth
Too funny and so true! I love the women vs men’s color guide…I see that with my boys! When my husband is the unfortunate companion on a fabric shop trip, he’s my fabric schlepper. Armed with the idea of temporarily being a mule, he’s bears up okay. I remind him how many times I go with him to Home Depot!
Janette
Hilarious!! There is no way my husband would ever step into a fabric store. I have to give you credit!!!
Melanie
Ha ha…..He said “Bodice” and then “top of the dress”…..this guy is way too smart!!! Loved your article!!!
Annie Mc
Awesome post! Sending this one over to hubby in preparation for our next family fabric shop outing 🙂
Alison
the colour differences chart is awesome! My other half doesn’t have to hit the fabric stores with me very often, but now that you mention it, having someone to get a number and queue up at the cutting table would be super useful.
Raymie
Love it! My hubby goes with me a lot as our kids are grown and I hate driving. When he was into a shop he asks where the husband chair and magazines are. Needless to say a few of my favorite shops now have one! Big comfy chair and car and sports mags
Lindi
So this is what Lar thinks when he has to go with me??? Wonderful post! L
Heather
This was hilarious! Thank you for the laughs! I don’t normally ask my husband to go with me, but when it’s a sewing project for him, I try to convince him to go, but I don’t push it. He always complains when walking into almost any store (unless it’s a computer/electronics store or a liquor store) that his feet hurt up to his ears. It’s just better for our marriage that I don’t ask him to accompany me.
My *almost* 4 yr old son on the other hand, LOVES to go with me to the fabric stores! He’s my shopping buddy! He loves picking out fabric for me to make things for him. In fact, he picked out the first fabric choice for his ‘big boy’ quilt!
He doesn’t like the clothing stores though, as the music is too loud for him.
Rachel
Hilarious!! You know, I’ve never taken my husband fabric shopping with me, in our 19 years of marriage!
Stephany
This was awesome! Laughed the whole way through.
Mary
Laugh out loud funny. And very true. Sigh. 🙂
lindak21
Just perfect and oh so true to form – guys! Ha! My hubby’s favorite shop is right next to the Bass Pro Shop…how perfect. When he does join me, he’s usually a pretty mellow fellow, but I do wish someone could catch his eye rolling expressions…someone should start those little candid cameras of “guys in a fabric store” – priceless! I suppose I should say men who are dragged…do love a guy who sews and enjoys it!
sharlyn
Very funny post :-). I never take my husband on any form of shopping trip, he sucks all the fun out of the whole experience. Glad to see you have a sense if humor about it!
Judith Clauss
This was too funny. Tell your husband thanks for the laugh. We are nearing 33 years and mine recently went to the fabric store to puck up some pellon sf 101 recently (we live over an hour from town and a fabric store). He had the whole store in stitches and they told him I had to warn them before he could go again. But he did come home with what I ordered.
Anna
So, my husband and I have come to the agreement that where our interests diverge, it is perfectly acceptable to pursue them on our own. I don’t bring him to the fabric store. He’d put up with it, but it’s not really his thing, and unless he’s there to distract our toddler while I’m searching for stuff, it’s not really fun for him (and actually, it’s better if I leave the toddler home with him so she doesn’t decide she needs to climb the stairs up to the upholstery department). He’s more likely to end up at a yarn store with me, but even then, it’s not really his thing. Board game shops aren’t my thing, so he usually doesn’t haul me in there. Bookstores, on the other hand, are something we both can enjoy.
Kelly G in ATX
My husband actually enjoys sewing (we’re both theatre majors and into cosplay), so taking him to the fabric store isn’t awful by any means. My dad, on the other hand, would rather gouge his eyeballs out with a pencil than go into the fabric store with me and my mom. He happily babysits the grandkids so we can go. Win win for everyone! If I were to ever open a fabric store, I would totally set up a special room for the menfolk with a big screen TV and free wifi so their wives could shop. Happy wife, happy life, amiright?!
Barbara
My Hubby stays in the car and has a nap lolol
Cindie
Brilliant! Kept me smiling from the first paragraph! And the photo of “the guy” on the bench… priceless!
I look forward to your hubby’s next contribution! 🙂
Sally
Oh my dog!! I had tears rolling down my face. Melly, Coach is definitely a keeper!!
Michael M
My wife sent this to me. Funny as hell. Well done! I get a kick out of the looks I get when I am usually the only guy in the place, but the store is usually smart enough to have a boyfriend/husband chair. She has to deal with me, a woodworker and cyclist, going into “my places” but hey, we are built differently right – “Men are hunters, women are gatherers” according to the hilarious but true play called “Defending the Caveman.”
Anyway, on a trip to NYC, we spent several hours in that massive place called Mood fabrics, where you are going through a few thousand bolts on several floors. I dug in and helped her and other ladies who were OD’ing on fabric choices so I think I get a “get out of going to the fabric store” free card for about a decade! Besides, the Mall is much worse…
Cathryn
Oh you just made my day. I’m visiting New York in October for a few days from the UK and I’m pretty sure some of the friends coming with me will also be interested. So I think I now have a new destination on our itinerary. The lad’s with us on the other hand might be less than please.
Meari
My guy just follows me around the store, LOL. No matter how many laps I make. Fair turnaround is me following him through hardware stores.
Jane McGraw
This is too funny, and it makes it all the more funny b/c it’s true!
Joan Gleckler
Coach – great bunch of tips. Sending to my husband right now!
Tracy King
ROFL I am so sending a link to my hubby. Great job Coach!!!
Geraldine (gerry) White
so true, so true, I always went shopping alone until I stopped driving. BIG MISTAKE. He will go with me but only as a naysayer He has picked out fabric for a few quilts. mostly just to say, “don’t we have some of that at home”? He is so cute when he tries to get me to leave. I just duck down and he can’t see the top of my head, which gives me a little more time. I really prefere shopping alone. with his credit card.
Carmen
This is my first time here. What a great post!!!!!!!!!! Your wife should have you do it more often. I’ll be back. Thanks for the great laughs.
Gayle
I loved your post. very funny. I admire my hubby for sometimes accompanying me to fabric stores if we are in another city. The one store had a “Hubby corner” with a few chairs and mags, but after a three year beg we finally made a detour to a huge store that was about 300km away and guess what they had a coffee shop right in the store. Happy hubby and the store scores a few more bucks on eats and drinks sales. Pity it is so far away. Something for other fabric stores to consider. Even a small coffee counter may help to calm hubby and kids. Two of our fabric stores are very close together but even better there is a play centre (tons of in and outdoor activities) with coffee shop only a block away so if ladies do their planning right they first send hubby and kids to play and chill and then just leave them happy whilst “quickly ” going to pop into the store for something.
Tina
Great post! The fabric store where we used to live had a tv–tuned in to whatever game was playing-and newspapers at a table and chairs. That took care of the men that drive their wives to the fabric store for a little while.
Lori
I enjoyed reading your post. Great tips. I usually shop alone but on the occasion when my husband joins me he is actually very helpful, really. I get overwhelmed when looking for contrasting fabrics so I’ll find the “main” fabric for my project and ask for his help finding the fabric to go with it. He’s very good, always find just what I need. I’m blessed. Thanks again for your funny post, loved it.
Susan
I live in Australia and have come to the conclusion that guys must generally be the same no matter where they come from. I personally prefer my husband not to be there as I get sick of hearing the words “are we finished yet” over and over. Your husband sounds very funny and gave me a good laugh.
Shirley Riehl
Loved reading the post, needed a good pick me up after a long day at work. Will look forward to reading more from you. Loved the pic of the skelton.
Ginger
Great post. So funny and so true.
Amber
I’ve said it again and again (and I wish businesses were listening), speciality stores should have “waiting areas”. Fabric stores, home improvement stores, book stores, etc. should have chairs and magazines to keep busy those who are waiting. It makes good financial sense too. If the board spouse isn’t pestering the shopping spouse to hurry up, they’ll spend more and/or come back more often.
M
Cute!! He seems like a great guy and a good sport!
Karen
Luckily my husband’s mom was a seamstress so he tolerates trips to fabric and craft stores. But you know how Joann has those dollar bins? Well, one time my husband came up to me when I was trying to decide what fabric to get and he says, “You’ve got 20 minutes to pick your fabric and get it cut because all those kitchen timers in the bin are going to go off!” Yeah, that got me out the door real quick!!!!! But part of me kind of wanted to stay to watch the commotion!
Shannon
SO Funny!
Bill
For the record, I am a guy that does not mind going to the fabric store. In fact, the last few times I took my wife (just shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary) it was actually MY idea. She enjoys her sewing and crocheting and I gladly support it.
Stitchwiz
First time I’ve bookmarked a blog! Tried so hard not to laugh too loudly all the way through this. Where’s that kleenex – my eyes are streaming…
My hubby LOVES to shop – his way! – In and Out in under 5 mins! That’s fine if I need a specific item – not so fine for scoping out for a new project.
If I have to sewing shop, I know I’ll be a few hours. He is very supportive and never complains – and would go if I asked him to – but he is happier at home, babysitting grandkids or dozing in front of the TV… And I am happier, too, because I’m not rushing.
All specialty stores NEED a Hubby and/or Children area. We’d stay longer and spend more in their stores.
PenelopePitstop
ha My fabric store DOES have a “waiting room” (table, chairs and tv) for the husbands who do not want to “help” with the shopping!
Carol
that is a hoot and ohhhh so true! thanks for the laugh of my day!
Desnavt
My former husband used to juggle spools of thread to while away the time at the fabric store. He got pretty good.
Deborah J.
Well done husband! I see you’ve been properly indoctrinated into the sewing world. Actually…well done Melissa!
Dawn
My husband taught me to sew quilts before we got married, so he’s handy in the fabric store. Of course, my stash is already too large and I don’t have enough time to sew these days. But, if I want to go ‘look’ he hangs out with me and ends up chatting with the employees or elderly ladies shopping. He loves people. He’ll go to any fabric store – except JoAnn’s – he calls that place my Bermuda Triangle. I go in there and I’m lost for a few hours. I ping pong up and down rows, and look at fabric and gizmos I don’t need. He gets tired just watching me, but we usually take a nap afterwards – so it really isn’t that bad. But as a rule, I go to discount fabric only shops. We have a few in the area luckily. I’m blessed with a supportive and fun husband.
Lynda
Sir’s Fabric in Fayetteville, TN actually does have a room where your hubby can sit, have a coffee, and watch the big game on TV! It is one of the few places I shop for fabric that he will consider coming along with me. Loved this post and your latest one as well
You are a good sport! 🙂
Dana
Ooh I haven’t been to Sirs in a while so we’re due a trip. It’s usually my daughter, 2 grand babies, and myself but I do believe her boyfriend would be a good sport but I’ll pass along the tips and laughs.
Denise
Absolutely Hilarious – Priceless !
Anne Lawver
My husband finds an empty aisle and practices his golf swing. ;). He recently said that his game is suffering because he has not been fabric shopping with me for quite awhile. I LOVE that he has NO idea how much fabric, notions, etc should cost or when they go on sale…he always says, “Like it? Get it!” Gotta love that.
My kiddos spent so much time in fabric stores that their vocabularies included silk, cotton, blend, hand and polyester was a swear word. Teaches them patience…that is my excuse.
Marian
This was funny, but it’s also so true. I use to take my husband with me, he would want to go, but not for the fabric, but to walk around and enjoy the sites of the area where the store was located at. I use to have to drive quite a few miles to visit fabric shops, and he likes to see new things, so I didn’t mind. It was when I wasn’t finished and he was back, that it became a “ok, time to wrap it up here and lets get out of here” but he’s the same way about grocery shopping to, so it doesn’t matter what kind of shopping, I’m always going to get the “why are we still here” attitude. Great Post tho, and I thoroughly enjoyed your point of view.
Rebecca
I loved the post and all the comments. I work in a fabric store and see all the eye rolling, and sad panda hubbies! Very funny!
Lucky for me I can shop and work at the same time, it’s just the bringing home mountains of fabric that needs to be conspicuously hidden in my ‘Large Lunch Bag’ that can be a problem….LOL
I will NEVER ask hubby to come along….that will just blow my cover…hehe
Alice
Loved this! My husband has discovered what he calls his “Patience Maker,” my iPad Mini. He gets lost in Free Cell in the car, and I’m usually back before he begins to look at his watch. If it’s too hot or cold outside, he sits himself at the Patterns table and plays there.
Actually, he likes to go clothes shopping with me also; he sits outside the dressing area and helps me (& the other ladies) decide what looks best. Hhhmmmmm???!!!!????
Pat
I loved Coach’s survival tips. My late hubby would drop me at the fabric shop, and wait for me at the nearest watering hole, usually close by. This would speed up shopping considerably because if I took too long the rest of the day was delayed by his nap. Thanks for the chuckles. Pat
Shelley
These posts are so funny!!! Even shared with my hubby.:) My dear husband goes once a year with me at 4:30 a.m. in the morning on BLACK FRIDAY!! He grabs the number and waits patiently while I grab the things I want. Love that man!!!
April
As a single mom the victim in my household was my son. He was a pretty good sport in the younger years but as he got older it got boring quicker. Once he got old enough to stay home alone I would say, “I’m just running to the fabric store I shouldn’t be too long.” his response was, “Mom, there are two places you go that will always be too long visits – Home Depot and the fabric store. I will see you in three hours.”
HollyAnne Knight
I mentioned the title of this article to my Hubster, and without skipping a beat or cracking a smile, he said, “There is no survival.” LOL.
Mrs. Stenger
OMG!!!! Spot on! and HILARIOUS!
Robyn Vaughan
Oh dear, so funny! I’ve lucked out with my recent spouse as he likes the usual fabric shop as it also has scrapbooking and crafty things and he has discovered some great stuff he can use to make templates for his woodwork shop!
sally godwin
these blogs made me laugh so much! thanks! ….just the way things are with us too!
Michela
I believe men and women are the same all over the world!! I go always alone to do my purchases as much as possible so that I can contemplate and check every single item I need!
wonderful post well done.
Laura S.
This is hilarious! While I’m sure my hubby has this feeling on occasion, I’m truly lucky because he’s an artist! He is always my “Design Consultant” on every project that I do. He frequently accompanies me to the fabric store to help pick colors for projects. The guy/girl color chart for us is usually reversed! For example, I call something light green and he’ll be like “Really?! That’s so not green! That’s seafoam!” He even gave up his man cave [biggest bedroom in the house] so that I could expand my sewing room and agrees that I make better use of the space! How did I get so lucky?!
Trina
Loved the post! I can’t take my hubby to the fabric store. I end up spending more than I had intended. I’ll go in for notions and come out with fabric and other things I wasn’t going to get. It’s not a bad thing though, our Joann’s has a Viking dealer inside and I got my last 3 sewing machines from there because he went with me and saw a machine he thought I would like and bought it for me!
Charlene
There is a fabric store in Spokane, Washington that has a waiting room equipped with armchairs, a big screen TV, free coffee, and free water.
Rick Jones
I will make sure I have a specific list of items. That would make sewing a lot easier too. Mainly because I would know for a fact that I have the right tools.